is 20 days from today & I’m most likely crying in my room or looking through my phone at videos and pictures of last year. I keep a count down aside from the obvious fact that I’m not attending this year. I seriously remember every single thing leading up to ultra. Back in December of 2012 when I knew I wanted to go. I knew about ultra it just always seemed like a dream that wasn’t going to happen for a long time. But the love of my life and I pulled through & I knew she was the love of my life through the whole process. I hold Ana on such a high pedestal its ridiculous and I am so extremely forever grateful that her and I got to experience ultra together and most of all that I was there for her first big rave and first rave in general. I love her so much and my heart over flows with immense feelings for her. I know she misses it and it makes me so sad seeing her talk about it. We look at each other though and we know, that we will always have that. & its amazing what EDM can make you feel if you’re with people you really love. Out of this world. I hope everyone attending UMF 2014 lets all the feelings and experience in general take them to heaven and a place that you will always remember. I hope all those attending UMF for the first time or if its their first rave that they feel and experience everything beautiful that makes edm what it is. & so that they can for themselves understand that its honestly heaven on earth and that I do not exaggerate when I say life changing. I’ve been missing ultra since the day I exited through the gates last year. I remember saying “its over?” ugh. But I’m coming back for you Ultra, soon enough we will reunite and it’ll be better than the first time.
When Noami in the last 2nd gen episode of skins tells Emily how she was scared of being a slave to the way she felt about her and Emily was punishing her and that it wasn’t fair because in reality she would die for her. I always remember those lines. What a feeling. Imagine not being able to feel the way you did before a person. Like, you know you felt different, before someone came into your life and then left. There was a feeling before that, but you’ll never be able to go back to the feeling. All you can really do I suppose to try to remember how you felt before someone came into your life and maybe what it was like. I think feeling like a slave to anything in general is such a twisted feeling. It seriously blows my mind how strong something can be felt. Its sort of amazing in a dark type of way.
The time of year again, I wasn’t going to give up my blog for lent, because well last year, it was horrible. I mean, it genuinely sucked. But then my friend was like you really like tumblr you should give it up again and whatever. So here I am, already giving up on my blog. I set up my queue but it is certainly not as extensive as last years. So this post is q’d and so is every other post that might appear on my blog for the next month. Giving up my blog should be a positive thing and should bring positives into my life … . It just seems silly relying so much on a blog and I mean I’m going on three years with this thing and I don’t know. Maybe I need to grow up. Maybe, I’ll do better this time. And maybe I’ll sleep earlier, and study more, and not obsess over people or things that are out of my reach. Maybe this time around I’ll do better. Nonetheless, I hope all my favorite blogs stay the same. I hope when I come back, i’ll have new things to see and obsess over. I hope there are new trends that aren’t as stupid as the ones currently trending right now.